Am I Wrong for Refusing to Buy Any Gifts for My Grandkids Because of My Daughter-in-Law's Behavior?

In a town with limited shopping options, a grandmother battled against her daughter-in-law's demanding gift standards, culminating in a heated dispute over a mysterious Christmas tree. As the tension escalated, the grandmother abruptly declared a gift-giving ban, leaving her son torn between family loyalties.

In December 2023, an anonymous female contributor turned to Reddit's immensely popular "AITA" forum to share her story. The Original Poster (OP) expressed disbelief, conveying to fellow Redditors the challenges of living far from extensive shopping options and admitting her unfamiliarity with the location of the nearest Target store.

Frustration echoed in her words as she recounted her weariness with her daughter-in-law (DIL), who imposed strict criteria on items entering her home—eschewing unsupportive companies, banning plastic, avoiding overstimulating colors, and vetoing both small and large toys for spatial reasons.

OP's Dilemma

OP persistently attempted to find suitable gifts, repeatedly seeking guidance and even requesting wish lists, but her efforts were met with unresponsiveness. She thought she had discovered an ideal present in a wooden train set for her granddaughter's recent fourth birthday.

Having reached her breaking point, OP narrated her saga on Reddit.

However, her hopes were dashed when it was deemed too loud for the child to play with. Undeterred, she then considered a thoughtful gift—a quality knife set, only to face rejection due to its association with a company her daughter-in-law disapproved of, "Pioneer Women Knives," despite the OP's uncertainty about the specific issues. Although not top-tier, the knife set was a decent and well-intentioned choice.

The Breaking Point

Having reached her breaking point, OP narrated her saga on Reddit. On the same day, she took matters into her own hands, gifting her granddaughter a Christmas tree set for her room—an endeavor for which she had received prior approval.

This, in turn, led to tensions with her son, who was upset because OP argued with his wife.

The duo went shopping, and the child picked out her desired lights and ornaments. However, upon seeing the tree, the daughter-in-law was angered by what she deemed an excessive use of plastic despite OP's avoidance of breakable glass ornaments.

Frustrated, OP declared an end to gift-giving, stating, "I told [my daughter-in-law] I was done, I am not getting any gifts for the family because she is impossible." Despite her best intentions, OP faced her daughter-in-law's wrath and was told to try harder.

This, in turn, led to tensions with her son, who was upset because OP argued with his wife. In the end, OP couldn't help but wonder, "AITA for telling my DIL I am done, and I will not be getting anything for her family."

Responding to OP's predicament, a commenter suggested opting for a gift voucher, contributing to a cause the family supported, or ceasing gift-giving altogether. The commenter questioned the son's role in the situation, emphasizing that he should be involved in the decision-making process instead of the daughter-in-law.

The proposition included asking the son directly for a list or specific suggestions. In a series of interactions, OP expressed having numerous conversations with her son, requesting lists, and investing six years in futile attempts.

Despite her efforts, the son consistently stood by his wife's decisions, actively avoiding conflicts and becoming upset when pressed for input. The son's loyalty to his wife remained steadfast, even when OP sought to understand their preferences through direct communication.

Comments from Readers

OP's Reddit narrative has garnered a significant reaction from the online community, with a substantial majority expressing support for her position and labeling her as "NTA."

"NTA. She can't impose so many restrictions and then not provide ideas for things she deems suitable. She sounds extremely difficult to want to interact with," one person wrote. "NTA. Your DIL sounds exhausting," a second user added. "NTA. Just stop buying her stuff. Easiest answer," expressed yet another commenter.

In your opinion, was OP right to tell her DIL that she wouldn't get anything for her family ever again? What would you do if you were in OP's place? Click here to read another story about a woman who wondered if she was too ungrateful after her children received their Christmas presents.